I’ve been asked this a lot, and the truth is, answering the question, What is counseling? is even hard, because it varies, and is different for everyone doing it, and everyone experiencing it.
Pastoral counseling is, to me, presence at work. It’s being deeply present with another human being. Witnessing has power, and makes change occur. Witnessing creates healthy relationship, something that some of us are thirsty for, and have had a lack of in our lives. True witnessing is grounded, and feels good in the body. We are meant to be seen, deeply seen, and this can happen in good pastoral counseling.
What happens when we are seen? When we feel deep presence? There can be a visceral healing, and also an opening where more of ourselves begins to come forth, and surface into our conscious experience. Then that, too, can experience transformation and healing. Sometimes, through presence, we begin by feeling our hiding. We notice how some portion of us is hidden, and doesn’t want to come out. In being deeply present and witnessing the hiding, it too can heal. Healing, to me, means movement, a lack of stuck-ness, a fluidity. Then things can arise, and change, and dissolve, and more things can take their place. If we are stuck with the same cycle of thinking and feel we are in a rut with our body, with our mind, then we are craving healing. Good pastoral counseling can bring a deep and unconditional witness to that stuck place in us. It could be labeled many things, including depression, anxiousness, or even a trauma or many traumas that have different or similar flavors. Within the context of pastoral counseling, there is a fearlessness to the witness, where anything can arise within that witnessing. The way we become alienated is when we believe some part of us does not deserve love, or didn’t deserve love when it arose. For this, it’s never too late.
Another aspect of pastoral counseling is soul-work. On the level of soul, we experience the deeper movements of our life, we come to know the directions, longings, and fears we have been carrying. We don’t “fix” ourselves, we attune to our inner essence, which was never broken. We see our journey in a larger context, one that includes all the obstacles and suffering. In this way we come to more acceptance, more relaxation, and more allowance for the twists and turns our lives take. Soul-work allows us to know ourselves at all our levels. We get to find out what movement and expansion looks like for our unique existence. We get to stop worrying about what others think, and follow our true path. We get support to face our fears and move through our life without as much judgment. We allow our souls to guide us toward our own easeful-ness.
For me, in pastoral counseling, there is a body component. If we don’t include the body, we are missing so much of our experience, and where we experience healing. Being gently guided to feel our body can bring a deeper grounding in reality, and help with integration.
Allowing ourselves to be seen as we are in this moment can be difficult and vulnerable, but in my experience, is so worth it.
I hope this has clarified somewhat what pastoral counseling is and can be. Please feel free to reach out if you have more questions. I offer a free fifteen minute introduction.